From the Mouths of Babes

Picture this:
A sunny afternoon in New York City. A fantastically dressed gal is chatting on the phone while shopping. Then she sees him: football physique, dressed well, and of course he has his stunner shades on. But there's one problem. Wait, I take that back, there are two problems: he looks like he just ran 20 blocks to get to the store and he opens his mouth and says this, "Can I use your phone?" Why? "So I can put my phone number in it." Ummmm, how about a NO.

So, kids, next time you have a pick-up line you can't wait to use, please be observant of yourself (profuse sweating is a guaranteed SHUT DOWN) and the lovely young lady you are speaking to (dude, I'm on the phone, so please stop talking to me).

Here's the Thing

Believe it or not, the other night my friend and I were rejected while mingling at a club.

Yes, I said it: REJECTED.

Imagine this scene: The two of us gals are standing around, talking to each other and a couple of other people we know. Then he walks up and starts talking to my friend. Immediately I hear her throw out the alternate name. Not a good sign for him. After she successfully stonewalls him, he moves onto me. I'm only like 1 foot away from her, but that means nothing to him.

The FIRST thing out of his mouth was, " You could be Bow Wow's little sister. Ya'll got the same daddy?" Ummm, what? Then he continues to careen down the same path. "If you take a picture of him and take a picture of you and Photoshop them into the same picture, blah, blah, blah, I'm just saying." Really? I ask him, doesn't that seem like a lot of unnecessary work? He agrees, and tells me, I could still be Bow Wow's little sister. About 20 minutes later he walks back up to me and grabs my hand and tries to walk me off with him. I don't move and take my hand back. "Where are you taking me?", I ask. He says, "To the top baby, to the top, if you want me to". OMG, you did not just say that to me. I mean, that would have been cute/funny from a guy I was interested in, but coming from him it was a no go. Another 20 minutes passes, and he walks up to me and my friend and says, "This is the last time I'm going to talk to you two", then he turns his back to us and does this hand waving, you got served, thing.

What the hell, is he for real?

Don't get me wrong, I've been rejected plenty of times, just not after giving the strongest signals EVER that I was not interested (and even the I'm not going anywhere with you, even to the dance floor speech). But, hey we all do what we have to do to save face in front of people we will never see again.

How about a Play Date?

A play date? As opposed to a real date? "No", he says. "I think it would be cool if our kids..." Okay, TIME OUT - TECHNICAL FOUL, buddy, TECHNICAL FOUL! What makes it okay for our kids to get together if we haven't even been in the same place together for more than 3 hours. And no, you can't count the time it took to drive to the restaurant and drive me home. So here's what I say to the play date. Unless you are talking about us having a dress rehearsal for our date (which incidentally, I highly suggest), then I'm going to have to T you up and ask you to leave the game.