From the Mouths of Babes

Picture this:
A sunny afternoon in New York City. A fantastically dressed gal is chatting on the phone while shopping. Then she sees him: football physique, dressed well, and of course he has his stunner shades on. But there's one problem. Wait, I take that back, there are two problems: he looks like he just ran 20 blocks to get to the store and he opens his mouth and says this, "Can I use your phone?" Why? "So I can put my phone number in it." Ummmm, how about a NO.

So, kids, next time you have a pick-up line you can't wait to use, please be observant of yourself (profuse sweating is a guaranteed SHUT DOWN) and the lovely young lady you are speaking to (dude, I'm on the phone, so please stop talking to me).

Nothing to Do with a Whole Lot

I just want to say, Craig, my boy, you are not reeling in the chicks with that cat attached to your crouch.
Shout out to Chris for bringing this issue out in the open.

Here's the Thing

Believe it or not, the other night my friend and I were rejected while mingling at a club.

Yes, I said it: REJECTED.

Imagine this scene: The two of us gals are standing around, talking to each other and a couple of other people we know. Then he walks up and starts talking to my friend. Immediately I hear her throw out the alternate name. Not a good sign for him. After she successfully stonewalls him, he moves onto me. I'm only like 1 foot away from her, but that means nothing to him.

The FIRST thing out of his mouth was, " You could be Bow Wow's little sister. Ya'll got the same daddy?" Ummm, what? Then he continues to careen down the same path. "If you take a picture of him and take a picture of you and Photoshop them into the same picture, blah, blah, blah, I'm just saying." Really? I ask him, doesn't that seem like a lot of unnecessary work? He agrees, and tells me, I could still be Bow Wow's little sister. About 20 minutes later he walks back up to me and grabs my hand and tries to walk me off with him. I don't move and take my hand back. "Where are you taking me?", I ask. He says, "To the top baby, to the top, if you want me to". OMG, you did not just say that to me. I mean, that would have been cute/funny from a guy I was interested in, but coming from him it was a no go. Another 20 minutes passes, and he walks up to me and my friend and says, "This is the last time I'm going to talk to you two", then he turns his back to us and does this hand waving, you got served, thing.

What the hell, is he for real?

Don't get me wrong, I've been rejected plenty of times, just not after giving the strongest signals EVER that I was not interested (and even the I'm not going anywhere with you, even to the dance floor speech). But, hey we all do what we have to do to save face in front of people we will never see again.

He's Just Not That into You...

...So STOP chasing him. I've had to tell that to myself way too many times. Is dating really a race? Do two people really need to chase after each other? My answer is no. If two people are really into each other, there should be no chasing; there should be courting and candle light, and good times all around. But if either person is chasing: putting fourth all the effort, showing up "randomly" at a place you know he or she will be (I'm pretty sure that's stalking), or just calling and texting, even when the calls and texts are not returned in any timely fashion; then you're CHASING. Cease and Desist, do not pass go, do not collect your $200.

So, I decided to cruise the web to see what advice others had to offer on dating. And you wouldn't believe how many sites are dedicated to dating and relationships. What happened to talking to your friends? Are we that embarrassed to talk to our friends about our dating and relationship issues? And if you are that embarrassed, maybe you should start to question what you have been doing. Or are you afraid to talk to your friends because they are all either married, engaged, or in long term relationships? They weren't birthed into their current relationship, so why not talk to them?

But, if after talking to your friends and you feel like you still are lost, you might want to consider picking up a book. My favorite, by far is by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo called "He's Just Not That Into You". I've been wanting to read this book - I actually might go hop into my car (I mean minivan...grrr), right now, and go buy it. I've been living that mantra for the last 4 months. And it has saved me from being that "desperate" girl, because believe me, you don't want her at the party. And I will of course pick up Greg's other book, written with Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt (Greg's wife of 5 years) called "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken". And that's also another mantra of mine. Is Greg reading my mind? Maybe I should be getting some royalties...

Sittin...

It's an interesting experience to sit in the airport and people watch on a Monday night. As I sit here, listening to Corrine Bailey Rae, I look around and wonder what each person's "state of relationship is". Corrine makes me reflect on all things love and relationships. So of course I have no choice but to reflect on my "state of relationship".

It's not like a fancy the "State of the Union" speech. But, if I had to give it a shot, my "state of relationship" would go something like this:
"Yes, it's been a hard couple of years, but things are looking up. And my 5 step action plan will put us in the right direction. Step 1: NEVER, EVER relax your standards EVER again. It only leads down a long dark road I prefer not travel. Step 2: If a potential suitor has no life plan, then it's a no go. I have a had enough time planning my life and working that plan, I don't need to figure out his too. Step 3: It's okay for not to be in a relationship. I've been a serial relationship-ist since I was 16 years old. I think it's time for me to take a slight break. Step 4: Don't make impulse decisions. It takes so much time and effort to recover from them. Step 5: I will love myself, completely, flaws and all. If I don't love me, I can't expect to love anyone else, fully, and have them love me unconditionally. As you will come to see in the upcoming months, this plan will work, as long as we give it out all and make no excuses for not following it."

So, there you have it, my"state of relationship". What's yours?

The Handbook

As suggested by Angela (shout out to all my folks in Harlem) I've formulated the table of contents for the handbook that might be necessary for some of the men we have had the misfortune to date.

Volume I: How Not to Date
Chapter 1: You Want to do What?!
Appropriate and Inappropriate things to say and do

Chapter 2: Really?
Stop talking WAY before you sound like a d-bag.

Chapter 3: Wait, who's paying for this little excursion tonight?
How to get Her to Respect You after She finds out You Do Not Have a Job.

Chapter 4: How do I say this nicely?

When to cut your loses and take her home.

Chapter 5: Dude, you just threw-up on me.
Don't go for the wasted look, it doesn't look good on you.

...more to come...

What Dating Really Is...

So, the truth is out. Leave it to Vince Vaughn...